Embracing Grief: Transforming Pain into Resilience
In this month’s post:
Grief and Love are Inseperable
Moving Forward with Grief
Perspective Shift Through Gratitude
The Importance of Acceptance and Support
Finding Gifts in Loss
Grief is a natural, albeit painful, part of life. You can't experience the fullness of love without encountering grief. In life, there is balance – low valleys accompany high mountain peaks. Our most profound grief directly mirrors the joy and love we once felt.
A common misconception is that we must move on from grief. In reality, we must learn to move forward with it. After a significant loss, getting over grief feels like getting over the love and joy we once had. If the loss was meaningful, you don't want to forget the love.
Grief is different from getting over a failed relationship where you might want to leave the love behind. When you lose someone or something truly important, you want to carry the love with you, which means you must also carry the grief.
Resilience in the face of grief may seem impossible, but it is achievable. It requires cultivating the ability to persevere and move forward with grief after significant losses.
This month's blog offers a crucial perspective shift to help you continue living with love, passion, meaning, and fulfillment despite loss.
In 2013, following my spinal cord injury, I plunged into intense grief. I lost nearly everything – my identity as a coach and mentor, my physical abilities, my independence, and my first love – skiing. Freestyle skiing was no longer part of my life.
I hit rock bottom, feeling utterly devastated.
It's hard to describe the euphoria of soaring 20-30 feet high on an 80-foot jump, spinning, flipping, feeling weightless. Losing that was incredibly hard.
But then it struck me: my grief was directly proportionate to the joy and love I'd felt while skiing. I couldn't feel so low without having felt so high!
This realization led to a vital perspective shift: I was fortunate to have experienced such joy in the first place.
A moment of clarity followed: If I wanted to carry those memories and my love for the sport forward, I would also have to carry the grief.
However, I found that I could transform painful memories into preserved moments of happiness through gratitude.
Over time, gratitude outweighed my pain and suffering, revealing a gift. I might never lose the feelings of loss, but I could always remember the joy and love I felt.
I realized I could carry joyful memories with me as long as they were rooted in gratitude. I could cherish that chapter of my life while using gratitude to build resilience against my grief.
I thought to myself, imagine if I had never experienced freestyle skiing in the first place – that would have been the greatest tragedy.
This perspective shift builds resilience to grief, and if I can do it, so can you.
If you are living a full life, you have likely experienced or will experience grief. How you choose to focus on the loss makes all the difference.
Will you focus on the gap left behind, or will you appreciate the gifts?
If your loss was significant, weren't you lucky to have had that person or those experiences in your life?
In the wake of any tragic loss, we must go through a period of acceptance. Initially, we endure the pain, but grief shifts to gratitude over time. Painful memories of loss can transform into cherished gifts. We deeply appreciate the gift that person or experience gave us. We will always have those memories, those chapters, and for that, we can feel thankful.
This concept of leveraging gratitude to enhance resilience to grief isn't limited to the loss of people or passions. Grief also arises from other life events, such as the end of a career, a relationship, a dream, or other challenging transitions.
After difficult losses, it's essential to acknowledge feelings of grief and allow yourself the space to grieve. Seeking social support and, in some cases, professional help is crucial for expressing grief and navigating its complexities. Self-care is paramount. Yet, you can ask yourself, "What did I gain?" and "Is there a gift I can focus on rather than fixating on the gap left behind?"
When we genuinely seek the gifts instead of the gaps, it doesn't make it easy, but it makes it a bit less difficult.
We naturally shift to gratitude over time, but if you can intentionally shift your mindset earlier in the grief journey, it's not a cure, but it enables you to move forward with grief.
A Quote:
“I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss.” — Rita Mae Brown
A Thought:
Grief is validation of our joy and love.
I hope this helps you understand past grief experiences, supports you in the present, or provides a helpful perspective for anyone you know who is struggling.
If this resonates with you, let me know. I'd love to hear your stories and strategies. If you know someone who's struggling, please share these words.
Gratefully,
Mike Shaw
